if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
