I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
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