I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Boobs speak an international language.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
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