That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Randomize