Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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