I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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