he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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