the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
