...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Randomize