You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
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