I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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