i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
he told me I talked like a deaf person
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
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