found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
We left the knife in your bed.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
