She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Im part way to drunk.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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