This is not my ceiling
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
