Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Randomize
