Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
goodnight i made you a song goodbye
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
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