He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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