I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Randomize
