ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
I am never drinking with the goths again.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
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