It's like God shit irony all over that family
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
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