Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
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