living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Randomize
