I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
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