The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
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