Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
