Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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