fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
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