Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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