i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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