I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
You may now shotgun with the bride
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
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