its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Randomize
