what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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