I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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