chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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