It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
