ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
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