1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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