I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Randomize
