i already hear my dad disowning me
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
