hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
