If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Randomize
