I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
50% drunk capacity currently
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Randomize
