she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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