And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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