dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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