arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
