I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
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