yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
