you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Randomize
