My ? Is...... Would it be sweet or creepy to take a girl on a first date to chigago?
creepy.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Randomize
