Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
