thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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