Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
