Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
