goodnight i made you a song goodbye
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Randomize
