worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
a search helicopter?!
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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