Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
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