I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
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