I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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