she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
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