the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
