HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
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