Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
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