We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Randomize
