i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Also, beer. Big fan.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Randomize
