You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
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