i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Randomize
