Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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